Birthdays are for Haters

So Tyler and I are having birthdays pretty soon here, and I am not sure whether to be excited about it, or dread it. I mean I am turning 23. Now that's not old at all, at least in my opinion, however when I look back to my younger years and what I Had hoped to be doing with my life, it was not this.
You know how they make you do those exercises in young woman's where you write your self a letter to open when you are 21 or something? Well I am one of those dorky people who actually kept it and opened it. Did I think I would be scrubbing toilets and in an eternal ring of mac and cheese and Homework? H no! OH! Excuse me I forgot I am almost 23 now, HELL NO! I did not think it would take me until I am 26 to have a degree, that I would be poor beyond all get out, or that I would be living in a place as cold as Wesley Snipes soul. I did not think that I would be any where near where I am currently in this stage of life. BLEH. Dreams suck. I mean I have lots of dreams. What are the likelihood of them actually coming true? Will I ever be able to have a romantic rendezvous in a tree house in the jungle with candles everywhere while my sexy man lover and do the hibidee dibidee? Will I ever be able to be that perfectly hot x girlfriend you run into at the mall and your jaw drops as you think Wow, I should not have let her go, she is smokin! Will I ever live in London and go to the french riviera for a break from my ever so hectic glamorous designer life, while Charles the yacht deck hand rubs oil on my back? Will I ever be able to wear shorts and flats in the summer without hesitation? Will I ever be able to buy designer clothes at full price and not from a discount shelf at down east? Where is the love people? One year older and wiser too? Yeah freakin right, more like one year older, fatter, and bitter too!
Don't get me wrong, I am not sad to grow old, that doesn't really bother me, what bothers me is the realization that although it may seem that I am growing older I am not really progressing past the age part. Same spot, Same life, same poor factor, and same goals. Nothing is moving, if anything its like I have been paused and now the ghetto VCR is stuck and its on a really ugly frame. Like me wide open mouth and nostrils flaring, that's attractive.
Anyway, as I sit here and contemplate the life I am in right now, I cannot help but think how it would be much worse if I lived in Louisianan. At least I don't live there, then my life would really suck! Ha Ha Ha ......WINK!

Spring Break 08...oh well I know its 09 it just doesn't sound as cool.

Her is a quick little update of my spring break life this past week:
Fact i have eaten 100 pounds of junk food
Fact: I watched the Gas x commercial that says" your son rip, is on line toot" every time I can because I find it ridiculously funny!
Fact: I have watched 12 chick flicks late into the night with my sista sista!
Fact: I have had an emotional melt down( I swear it is like tradition)
Fact: I have vowed not to blog stalk a certain blog anymore and then broke my rule almost immediately
Fact: I have cleared two pints of Ben and Jerry's and an Aggie Ice cream
Fact: Bears Beets Battle star Gallactica
Fact: I have watched the office a lot
Fact: had a stomach ache the entire spring break due to eating of said junk food
Fact: Slept too much
Fact: Enjoyed every second of it!
Question: What will you do with the Spring Break time given you? it is not for us to ask why we are here but what we can do about it? Ha Ha just kidding guys!
Fact: The End.

Always the Student Never the TEACHER

So I have been learning so many things these past few weeks of my life. Although they have felt like years and crawled through every agonizing minute the lessons I have learned are worth every horrible moment. It is funny what you can learn to overcome. I as most of you know am a person of hot tempers, stubbornness, and completely emotional reactions to everything. I blame my green blood. Irish is not always a word to be seen in a white light. Seriously though, our color as Irishmen should not be green, it should be red! RED HOT! Let me explain shall I? As I am sure you can gather from previous posts, I am a little bit under the weather as far as the friend forecast goes. It has been a trial, and therefore a screaming mad roller coaster ride of emotions! However with the Irish side and its ever so lovely reactions I have learned what to expect and when to expect it.
First, my eyes get big and I usually react with something like "Are you Serious?" or "WHAT?"
Then I get red hot, burning with a passion from the 7th circle of hell like fury. I mean we are talking steam out my ears and unrecognizable speech.
Next, I am raw. Hurt, feeling exposed and wounded. Like someone just cracked open my chest, ran over it repeatedly with a large tread BMX,and then spit acid right in the center of my heart.
Following with a more rational, Logical, and analytical research session. I review all of the data and speak to my ever so trusted colleagues, and confirm diagnosis.
Finally, I am numb. No more emotions to be felt, not mad, sad, angry, hurt, or bitter. OVER. Ready to forgive and forget.
Now you might say, Oh my H word I feel bad for her husband, well you shouldn't, who you really should feel bad for is my best friend! Which is why I am making sure her husband has a life insurance policy on her because I am pretty sure I am draining her life by hours if not days every time I go through this rotation. At least then I will know he will be able to golf the rest of his life away and therefore hopefully be able to forgive me. Eventually. (I LOVE YOU LUKEY!)
Now they say admitting is the first step, so yes I have admitted the steps but that doesn't mean I am going to stop going through them. It just means that now I go through them faster. This is not the point of my blog, the point is I am learning that even though I know myself well and what to expect, That doesn't meant the outcome will always be the same. In a perfect world it would be, all would be forgiven and happy. The problem is there is always another side to the story! Whether the other side agrees with you, or you come to some middle ground is where the real lesson comes in. I have learned that although i wish I was always right, and everyone saw things my way, or apologized when needed, it doesn't happen. But that doesn't mean that I can't learn to be better, or learn to forgive despite what happens and to take the lesson I needed with me. Lets just be honest here and say that this sucks, and it is MANDO hard. However, it is so great to feel free from the anxiety and madness that ensues when things don't pan out the way we all wish they would. I learned that I don't need an apology to forgive, that I don't need vindication, or a posse to back me up, all I need is to go through the motions, and get to the point of forgiveness by horribly abusing my best friends phone minutes, and keeping my husband up late while I blubber incoherently till my eyes swell shut. Because ultimately it is not for me to decide to who or forgive, I am required to forgive everyone.
I learned that I am capable of a lot more than I think I am. I have learned that when my husband tells me the things he thinks are amazing about me, sometimes he is not just blowing smoke up my butt. I learned that if I put my trust in the lord, he can help me get over everything. Even my Irish tendencies!

So here is to all the teachers in my life, My incredibly level headed loving husband, my beautiful, honest, and understanding Best Friend, and my awesome, hilarious support group, Megan and Nikki. I love you all and I am so thankful for everything you do. I look forward to all the future lessons you will teach me!

Valentines Valentines Valentines

My husband rocks. I love him. We had a crazy weekend and he still managed to make it awesome! First of all we had a full house both nights of the weekend here at the inn. We had to turn over all the rooms on Saturday morning, and make breakfast for like 14 people. IT was real good though...not going to lie. Raspberry almond stuffed french toast, sausage and fresh fruit. DEELISH! We also had a wedding...which I would rather not relive due to the utmost class-LESS ness of it. anyway, we finally started the Valentines day fiesta late saturday evening. Tyler surprised me with BEAUTIFUL 2 carat CZ Diamond Stud earrings. THEY ARE HUGE! No joke...take up my entire ear lobe..so of course, they are totally me! He also gave me a silicon basting brush which I have been seriously coveting for quite some time..and flowers. He also made sure to get all cute for me and put on cologne. What a great husband. I love him. So I had the entire family room set up as like a little love getaway. We had really pretty linens on the floor with a little table with our pretty plates and fancy glasses. I had 5 bouquets of gorgeous white and green flowers surrounding us, with 50 candles of all different shapes and sizes..all white surrounding us. It was so beautiful and romantic! We ordered take out from the restaurant we went on our first valentines day date, and had bubbly! For desert I had made Ty home made Oreos...but I made it in the shape of a giant heart..like 2 feet big! It was very tasty! We snuggled up close and watched a movie and ate our delicious desert! It was a great Valentines day! We had a lot of fun, until we had to wake up early the nest day for all the getaway couples staying at the inn, and make them breakfast. It was really great though. I also got Ty a new movie..forgot to say that. OOPs!





So on Monday I went to the eye doctor and got new glasses, new contacts and a new prescription. LAME! I am like a triple threat...NERD STYLE! Either way I am hoping to go for the whole sexy librarian and less tech support. YIKES!
So after all the fattening loveliness of the weekend. I am now on lose weight and look hot for 23rd birthday diet. I really hope it works out. I am dedicated and decided I want to be skinny so that I can feel all sassy and cute for the whole getting older thing...BLEH.
Anyway, hope you all had a great weekend!

First Post!

Ok so I know I have had a blog for a while but now that I am private I feel like this is my first real post ever. Weird? Probably. I am just thinking that I maybe I have never been able to really be myself without feeling like I am walking on eggshells. You never know who will misinterpret what or who is secretly reading your blog without your knowing, who is talking smack and who is just out to make fun of you. It is a very freeing thing, being private. Which you would not think since it is kind of an exclusive thing. But alas my friends I will say that I am really loving it!
So down to business, My life sucks lately. Let me just tell you that if you do not want to know what I am thinking and feeling, this is not the blog for you. Because guess what? This is going to be a completely honest and open blog. So here goes.

I have a group of friends, well I thought they were my friends. Turns out not so much. Am I angry....HELL YES. Am I hurt......F YES. Am I trying to get over it and be the good person I want to be? OF COURSE. But that doesn't mean that I still don't feel every emotion in the book. Seriously if you ask my husband I am either crying, t oed, or speechless. I know I am basically Jane Fonda meets Joan Cusack all the time. Needless to say I want a vent blog. That's exactly what this is....be prepared.

My husband had a group of friends that he loves very dearly. A group of friends that I have never rejected, restricted, or rebuked. I have always let him have his friends be apart of our lives. I have never not let him play with them and I always welcome them into my home and my life. Have they always reciprocated? NO. His friends were so ridiculously mean to me and him when we were first dating. His friends have made some bad decisions in their lives. Have we ever been anything but supportive and understanding? Have we only loved them and given them the benefit of the doubt? Even when we did not agree with the decisions they were making we sat by silently supporting and trying to help the best we could. We have never told them they were mean or wrong and have never said things to purposefully hurt them.
Well you would think that after 4 years, of this there would be a level of reciprocation? Nope. Not where I am concerned. I am the big bad wolf. I am horrible, I am fake and I am the worst wife in the world. I hate it. I thought we were equal, we are not. Tyler is. I am his unfortunate wife. I have had friends of my own decide not to be my friends because I was trying to be friends with everyone. I have suffered criticism from every person I held dear, because I thought someone deserved an 800th chance and that we all would want the same in return. Well it never panned out. But do I regret it? No. I learned A LOT. And although this person may not be my best friend she is still a good person and still deserves to be treated with respect. Because I want the same in return. Because I don't think that we are here to hold grudges, to hurt others, or to ruin friendships. I think that if we all thought about what we are actually here to do, there would never be an issue. So now that I am off my soap box, you are thinking...hypocrite. Take your own advice. I am. Don't worry. Now that's not to say that everyone doesn't deserve the right to work things over, to take the time they need for true forgiveness. We are all human after all. Recently, I have felt a break. I have been hurt worse than I have in a really long time. I feel like I have wasted four years of my life. Trying to get the ever crumbling group glued back together. It has been hard. It has been sacrificing, it has been heart wrenching, and I finally reached the point where I feel like I have nothing left to give. I have no more energy. I have lost my gumption and given up for defeat. That word is never something I thought I would say. I am not one to give up ever. I am one to put my shoulder to the wheel until the wheel breaks. But I am at a loss as to what I should do? I am sad and hurt and I have no more to give.
SO what happens from here? Oh don't worry suddenly everyone is all gung ho about being friends again. Now I should be happy, right? I am....... halfway anyway. Its exactly what I have been wanting for years. So why am I upset? Because they all seemed to have decided after my very bestest friend came to my aide in a time of brokenness. She rescues me and tells everyone the truth and everyone is like Yes! OK! Let's do it! Lets all be best friends! Well what a waste?! I wasted years when all I had to do was tell her to call a few people and write and incredible blog! She saved me! She saved everyone! I am a total idiot for wasting so much hard work and heartache. That's why I feel defeated. I am lost for how to feel and how to react. How could I be so stupid? The truth is... I have no idea. All I know is as of now, there is nothing I can do, but learn from it. Accept it, and forgive. And last but not least...embrace it. Which is what I am working on doing. So there it is. The suckyness of my life and why I am a slightly more disgruntled version of myself lately. So if I give you the wrong impression or you think you might have misunderstood me, or we have an issue that never has been worked out...call me. I am all about that these days.

Let's talk about S baby..

Let's talk about STRESS baby, let's talk about you and me....
Seriously though. What is stress? Stress is what I look like every minute of the day. Stress is what makes my ever so relaxed, smart, analytical husband fold like a lawn chair. SMACK! Down for the count and he ain't resurfacing till the sun is shining and I have reclaimed all the pieces of the mess whilst going blind gluing each tiny piece back together. Stress is me writing this post at 3:30 in the morning. Stress is the reason that at 22 I feel the need to use an age defying face wash and moisturizer. Do wrinkles exist at 22? Honey please, wrinkles exist at all times in the land of Megan. Whether butt or face, same diff still there! Stress is why while I should be sleeping right now, I can't. I am too wound up. Stress is why my A word won't quit and my upper arms wave back to me. Stress is why I have given up on what used to be great group of friends and is now divided into the Montague's, and the Capulet's. Stress is why I can multi-task like the British are coming. I remember as a wee young lass, thinking how wonderful it would be to have a husband. He would be there for me. He would bring me flowers and buy me presents. He would do the dishes and make me romantic dinners. So what happened? I will tell you what happened! The minute I married him, an invisible tattoo was placed on my forehead that says "may I please have another job?" Now for all of you who could see this...Rude I hate you for not telling me it was there. And as for me, I have taken up Rastafarian hats. What is it about men, that the second it gets a little hairy they hit the ground running, it's like the little roadrunner cartoon, only we are the coyote's and the anvils are stacks of dishes and laundry. Don't worry though, I have a plan! A plan! A Plan! guess what it is? I will be the best wife, friend, student, housekeeper, mother (someday), employee, designer, daughter, and sister. Then I am going to be committed. Because there I will be able to sit in the peace and quiet, eat a prepared meal while it is still warm, and read twilight as much as I want, and with a jumpsuit, i will have no stress picking out what I will be wearing the next day. I will lounge on my cot and listen to the sweet sound of insane silence.

'08 was Great!

So obvioulsy I am horrible at keeping up at this continually blogging thing. So instead of writing a post I am going to show you all what my '08 was like! Me and the Husb and our fam and friends! Oh don't worry...there will be captions! As if I could keep my mouth shut for more than 2 minutes...NOT! Hey! Remember when people used to say that ll the time? Not! Well I apprarently did not get he memo that is not cool anymore. Duh duh duuuuuuh! Ok anyway, without further ado, her is our 2008 in Pictures!

I started the year out right by enjoying some mocktails with my best friend Meag!


Ty and I went to Europe with some awesome friends! All so we could get attacked by these lovely Italian pigeons!


Here we are in Paris, at the Louvre, We were in Paris for Valentines Day! I know so romantic right?


My Friend Kat and I just taking a break at Notre Dame!

For our two year anniversary in May, we went to St. Georgy and had a lovely honeymoon revival...WINK!


We went to Hawaii with my fam for a little over a week. The best Family Vaca ever!

Don't Worry he deserved it!

Let me tell you how our days were spent there.....Tyler dug two to three really deep holes a day on the beach. Then he would sit in them and let them fill back up on him....He's a Keeper!

....and of course, we got crispy fried!


Nikki finally got married! Here we are the 3 Megans. All bridesmaids, all beautimous!

With the wedding came my favorite. This is like one of my most beloved pictures of us...she helps me to try and stay sane.


This is waht happens when she is here.....my true colors SHINE!

I learned to be really good at Wake surfing and Wakeboarding. This is me surfing for like 1/2 an hour without the Rope! That's right!


Ty is of course way better than I am...He is always such a pro!

These are all my friends in Lehi at my farewell dinner! I miss them so much! But things change when you decide to go back to school!

I got a visit form my fam for Homecoming! It was so much fun and I miss them terribly!

My sisters all took turn trying on the Chester the Molester mustache...very attractive.

Apparently she is Chester the Gangster?!?

Shhh....He still doesn't know how creepy he looks in his sleep!

My sister and I had Megan and Molly's weekend o' fun '08. She is awesome!


White man can't jump.....White women can!

Ty's fam...kicked it logan style with us for x mas this year.

We are so in love

Super cute sis in law!

Family Photo we gave to ty's mom....She loves it...I know it!

We all decided the best way to feel the spirit of Christmas was to adorn one of the many christmas sweaters that ty's mom owns....needless to say, WE. ARE. SO. HOT.

Pop ya collar!

I hope this was as fun for you all to look at as it was for me. Many more things happened this year that we did not get the chance to photograph or mention, but the jist of it is, we are incredibly blessed to have so many awesoem friends and wonderful family! We want everyone to know how thankful we are for the people in our lives. We love you! We look forward to sharing another year full of great times! Happy new year to you all....even though it is January 17th!
LOVE