How cool do you think I am right now? I can tell you that I am thinking I am really cool right now. Seriously. I am posting and it is not a new month or been over a month since my last post. I can tell you exactly what I am right now in three words: THE. BOMB. DIGGITY.
Here is the sitch: I am so done with school for the summer! I am so excited! Not to mention that in one of my classes I got 99% and the other one I got 100% on every assignment and overall...again refer to above for how awesome I am right now. I know you all must be feeling like I am such a little snot for bragging. Well you are right and I am.
Plans for the summer:I am goign to be kicking butt and taking names while working here at the Inn in logan and Ty is going home to work for his old boss, Mon-Thurs. Then we will reunite for the weekends. I am so not loving the idea of sleeping in my house all alone,what with all the rapers and burgelers trying to steal me and sell me into a sex ring. I mean really logan is a pretty sketchy place. Even though I liive on the third floor and you have to go through three locked doors to get to me, I know esactly how possible it is for me to be raped or stolen in the night. I am a realist. Tyler is not worried. He is probably hoping that if I do get stolen or something else bad, we can get some big bucks in a settlement for it...there is always hope for a big break like that! CHA CHING!
Exciting news number two: I am dying my hair tonight. RED! Yeah baby goodbye Plain Jane brunette Hello Fircracker. I am not going to lie, i am nervous, what if my coloring looks bad with red? YIKES! I am taking inspiration from one of my Friends hair do's in years past..She was obviously way ahead of her time, she should have been friends with Kurt Cobain. I don't really think he was ahead of his time however everyone says that.
Happy Summer!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Bleh
I hate blogging. I am just going to say what I have been in denial of for a really long time and fess up. I HATE BLOGGING. It is so annoying. I hate that if you don't blog regularly like once a week people get annoyed and ask when you are going to blog next. You want to know what's up with my life? Freaking call me. I promise you will get way more out of me than if you watch my blog. Plus when I blog I have to pretend my life is so fabulous and I love everyone and that everything is just wrapped up in a nice pretty pink bow. Well it is not. Not even close. No one I know has a life like that.As my good friend Megan would say it is not butterflies and rainbows all the time. I don't even like the type of people who are all everything in my life is amazing and nothing is wrong...blah blah blah. Spare me. If I want to hear that kind of crap I will visit my parents ward in the UC. I mean really when I sit here and weigh the pros and cons of blogs...The cons way out weigh the pros. The only pro I was thinking I liked was the idea that some x boyf or chick I don't like is reading it and feeling like they are inadequate in my awesomeness...Thank you loyal subjects. You may bow. HOWEVER since I have blog stalkers and haters in my past..I am private. Which all this pretty much means is that I am writing blogs for exactly like 5 people who I talk to fairly regularly anyway. And YET! I am writing a blog right now. It is addicting. I hate it. I am (pardon my french) the blog's bitch. I hate feeling controlled. Owned. and here I sit. Playing perfectly into the addiction and getting my fix. Its not a pretty sight, sucking on the teet of mother blog. Well now that my guilt has abated, I will inform you on life..its good. The End.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Birthdays are for Haters
So Tyler and I are having birthdays pretty soon here, and I am not sure whether to be excited about it, or dread it. I mean I am turning 23. Now that's not old at all, at least in my opinion, however when I look back to my younger years and what I Had hoped to be doing with my life, it was not this.
You know how they make you do those exercises in young woman's where you write your self a letter to open when you are 21 or something? Well I am one of those dorky people who actually kept it and opened it. Did I think I would be scrubbing toilets and in an eternal ring of mac and cheese and Homework? H no! OH! Excuse me I forgot I am almost 23 now, HELL NO! I did not think it would take me until I am 26 to have a degree, that I would be poor beyond all get out, or that I would be living in a place as cold as Wesley Snipes soul. I did not think that I would be any where near where I am currently in this stage of life. BLEH. Dreams suck. I mean I have lots of dreams. What are the likelihood of them actually coming true? Will I ever be able to have a romantic rendezvous in a tree house in the jungle with candles everywhere while my sexy man lover and do the hibidee dibidee? Will I ever be able to be that perfectly hot x girlfriend you run into at the mall and your jaw drops as you think Wow, I should not have let her go, she is smokin! Will I ever live in London and go to the french riviera for a break from my ever so hectic glamorous designer life, while Charles the yacht deck hand rubs oil on my back? Will I ever be able to wear shorts and flats in the summer without hesitation? Will I ever be able to buy designer clothes at full price and not from a discount shelf at down east? Where is the love people? One year older and wiser too? Yeah freakin right, more like one year older, fatter, and bitter too!
Don't get me wrong, I am not sad to grow old, that doesn't really bother me, what bothers me is the realization that although it may seem that I am growing older I am not really progressing past the age part. Same spot, Same life, same poor factor, and same goals. Nothing is moving, if anything its like I have been paused and now the ghetto VCR is stuck and its on a really ugly frame. Like me wide open mouth and nostrils flaring, that's attractive.
Anyway, as I sit here and contemplate the life I am in right now, I cannot help but think how it would be much worse if I lived in Louisianan. At least I don't live there, then my life would really suck! Ha Ha Ha ......WINK!
You know how they make you do those exercises in young woman's where you write your self a letter to open when you are 21 or something? Well I am one of those dorky people who actually kept it and opened it. Did I think I would be scrubbing toilets and in an eternal ring of mac and cheese and Homework? H no! OH! Excuse me I forgot I am almost 23 now, HELL NO! I did not think it would take me until I am 26 to have a degree, that I would be poor beyond all get out, or that I would be living in a place as cold as Wesley Snipes soul. I did not think that I would be any where near where I am currently in this stage of life. BLEH. Dreams suck. I mean I have lots of dreams. What are the likelihood of them actually coming true? Will I ever be able to have a romantic rendezvous in a tree house in the jungle with candles everywhere while my sexy man lover and do the hibidee dibidee? Will I ever be able to be that perfectly hot x girlfriend you run into at the mall and your jaw drops as you think Wow, I should not have let her go, she is smokin! Will I ever live in London and go to the french riviera for a break from my ever so hectic glamorous designer life, while Charles the yacht deck hand rubs oil on my back? Will I ever be able to wear shorts and flats in the summer without hesitation? Will I ever be able to buy designer clothes at full price and not from a discount shelf at down east? Where is the love people? One year older and wiser too? Yeah freakin right, more like one year older, fatter, and bitter too!
Don't get me wrong, I am not sad to grow old, that doesn't really bother me, what bothers me is the realization that although it may seem that I am growing older I am not really progressing past the age part. Same spot, Same life, same poor factor, and same goals. Nothing is moving, if anything its like I have been paused and now the ghetto VCR is stuck and its on a really ugly frame. Like me wide open mouth and nostrils flaring, that's attractive.
Anyway, as I sit here and contemplate the life I am in right now, I cannot help but think how it would be much worse if I lived in Louisianan. At least I don't live there, then my life would really suck! Ha Ha Ha ......WINK!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Spring Break 08...oh well I know its 09 it just doesn't sound as cool.
Her is a quick little update of my spring break life this past week:
Fact i have eaten 100 pounds of junk food
Fact: I watched the Gas x commercial that says" your son rip, is on line toot" every time I can because I find it ridiculously funny!
Fact: I have watched 12 chick flicks late into the night with my sista sista!
Fact: I have had an emotional melt down( I swear it is like tradition)
Fact: I have vowed not to blog stalk a certain blog anymore and then broke my rule almost immediately
Fact: I have cleared two pints of Ben and Jerry's and an Aggie Ice cream
Fact: Bears Beets Battle star Gallactica
Fact: I have watched the office a lot
Fact: had a stomach ache the entire spring break due to eating of said junk food
Fact: Slept too much
Fact: Enjoyed every second of it!
Question: What will you do with the Spring Break time given you? it is not for us to ask why we are here but what we can do about it? Ha Ha just kidding guys!
Fact: The End.
Fact i have eaten 100 pounds of junk food
Fact: I watched the Gas x commercial that says" your son rip, is on line toot" every time I can because I find it ridiculously funny!
Fact: I have watched 12 chick flicks late into the night with my sista sista!
Fact: I have had an emotional melt down( I swear it is like tradition)
Fact: I have vowed not to blog stalk a certain blog anymore and then broke my rule almost immediately
Fact: I have cleared two pints of Ben and Jerry's and an Aggie Ice cream
Fact: Bears Beets Battle star Gallactica
Fact: I have watched the office a lot
Fact: had a stomach ache the entire spring break due to eating of said junk food
Fact: Slept too much
Fact: Enjoyed every second of it!
Question: What will you do with the Spring Break time given you? it is not for us to ask why we are here but what we can do about it? Ha Ha just kidding guys!
Fact: The End.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Always the Student Never the TEACHER
So I have been learning so many things these past few weeks of my life. Although they have felt like years and crawled through every agonizing minute the lessons I have learned are worth every horrible moment. It is funny what you can learn to overcome. I as most of you know am a person of hot tempers, stubbornness, and completely emotional reactions to everything. I blame my green blood. Irish is not always a word to be seen in a white light. Seriously though, our color as Irishmen should not be green, it should be red! RED HOT! Let me explain shall I? As I am sure you can gather from previous posts, I am a little bit under the weather as far as the friend forecast goes. It has been a trial, and therefore a screaming mad roller coaster ride of emotions! However with the Irish side and its ever so lovely reactions I have learned what to expect and when to expect it.
First, my eyes get big and I usually react with something like "Are you Serious?" or "WHAT?"
Then I get red hot, burning with a passion from the 7th circle of hell like fury. I mean we are talking steam out my ears and unrecognizable speech.
Next, I am raw. Hurt, feeling exposed and wounded. Like someone just cracked open my chest, ran over it repeatedly with a large tread BMX,and then spit acid right in the center of my heart.
Following with a more rational, Logical, and analytical research session. I review all of the data and speak to my ever so trusted colleagues, and confirm diagnosis.
Finally, I am numb. No more emotions to be felt, not mad, sad, angry, hurt, or bitter. OVER. Ready to forgive and forget.
Now you might say, Oh my H word I feel bad for her husband, well you shouldn't, who you really should feel bad for is my best friend! Which is why I am making sure her husband has a life insurance policy on her because I am pretty sure I am draining her life by hours if not days every time I go through this rotation. At least then I will know he will be able to golf the rest of his life away and therefore hopefully be able to forgive me. Eventually. (I LOVE YOU LUKEY!)
Now they say admitting is the first step, so yes I have admitted the steps but that doesn't mean I am going to stop going through them. It just means that now I go through them faster. This is not the point of my blog, the point is I am learning that even though I know myself well and what to expect, That doesn't meant the outcome will always be the same. In a perfect world it would be, all would be forgiven and happy. The problem is there is always another side to the story! Whether the other side agrees with you, or you come to some middle ground is where the real lesson comes in. I have learned that although i wish I was always right, and everyone saw things my way, or apologized when needed, it doesn't happen. But that doesn't mean that I can't learn to be better, or learn to forgive despite what happens and to take the lesson I needed with me. Lets just be honest here and say that this sucks, and it is MANDO hard. However, it is so great to feel free from the anxiety and madness that ensues when things don't pan out the way we all wish they would. I learned that I don't need an apology to forgive, that I don't need vindication, or a posse to back me up, all I need is to go through the motions, and get to the point of forgiveness by horribly abusing my best friends phone minutes, and keeping my husband up late while I blubber incoherently till my eyes swell shut. Because ultimately it is not for me to decide to who or forgive, I am required to forgive everyone.
I learned that I am capable of a lot more than I think I am. I have learned that when my husband tells me the things he thinks are amazing about me, sometimes he is not just blowing smoke up my butt. I learned that if I put my trust in the lord, he can help me get over everything. Even my Irish tendencies!
So here is to all the teachers in my life, My incredibly level headed loving husband, my beautiful, honest, and understanding Best Friend, and my awesome, hilarious support group, Megan and Nikki. I love you all and I am so thankful for everything you do. I look forward to all the future lessons you will teach me!
First, my eyes get big and I usually react with something like "Are you Serious?" or "WHAT?"
Then I get red hot, burning with a passion from the 7th circle of hell like fury. I mean we are talking steam out my ears and unrecognizable speech.
Next, I am raw. Hurt, feeling exposed and wounded. Like someone just cracked open my chest, ran over it repeatedly with a large tread BMX,and then spit acid right in the center of my heart.
Following with a more rational, Logical, and analytical research session. I review all of the data and speak to my ever so trusted colleagues, and confirm diagnosis.
Finally, I am numb. No more emotions to be felt, not mad, sad, angry, hurt, or bitter. OVER. Ready to forgive and forget.
Now you might say, Oh my H word I feel bad for her husband, well you shouldn't, who you really should feel bad for is my best friend! Which is why I am making sure her husband has a life insurance policy on her because I am pretty sure I am draining her life by hours if not days every time I go through this rotation. At least then I will know he will be able to golf the rest of his life away and therefore hopefully be able to forgive me. Eventually. (I LOVE YOU LUKEY!)
Now they say admitting is the first step, so yes I have admitted the steps but that doesn't mean I am going to stop going through them. It just means that now I go through them faster. This is not the point of my blog, the point is I am learning that even though I know myself well and what to expect, That doesn't meant the outcome will always be the same. In a perfect world it would be, all would be forgiven and happy. The problem is there is always another side to the story! Whether the other side agrees with you, or you come to some middle ground is where the real lesson comes in. I have learned that although i wish I was always right, and everyone saw things my way, or apologized when needed, it doesn't happen. But that doesn't mean that I can't learn to be better, or learn to forgive despite what happens and to take the lesson I needed with me. Lets just be honest here and say that this sucks, and it is MANDO hard. However, it is so great to feel free from the anxiety and madness that ensues when things don't pan out the way we all wish they would. I learned that I don't need an apology to forgive, that I don't need vindication, or a posse to back me up, all I need is to go through the motions, and get to the point of forgiveness by horribly abusing my best friends phone minutes, and keeping my husband up late while I blubber incoherently till my eyes swell shut. Because ultimately it is not for me to decide to who or forgive, I am required to forgive everyone.
I learned that I am capable of a lot more than I think I am. I have learned that when my husband tells me the things he thinks are amazing about me, sometimes he is not just blowing smoke up my butt. I learned that if I put my trust in the lord, he can help me get over everything. Even my Irish tendencies!
So here is to all the teachers in my life, My incredibly level headed loving husband, my beautiful, honest, and understanding Best Friend, and my awesome, hilarious support group, Megan and Nikki. I love you all and I am so thankful for everything you do. I look forward to all the future lessons you will teach me!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Valentines Valentines Valentines
My husband rocks. I love him. We had a crazy weekend and he still managed to make it awesome! First of all we had a full house both nights of the weekend here at the inn. We had to turn over all the rooms on Saturday morning, and make breakfast for like 14 people. IT was real good though...not going to lie. Raspberry almond stuffed french toast, sausage and fresh fruit. DEELISH! We also had a wedding...which I would rather not relive due to the utmost class-LESS ness of it. anyway, we finally started the Valentines day fiesta late saturday evening. Tyler surprised me with BEAUTIFUL 2 carat CZ Diamond Stud earrings. THEY ARE HUGE! No joke...take up my entire ear lobe..so of course, they are totally me! He also gave me a silicon basting brush which I have been seriously coveting for quite some time..and flowers. He also made sure to get all cute for me and put on cologne. What a great husband. I love him. So I had the entire family room set up as like a little love getaway. We had really pretty linens on the floor with a little table with our pretty plates and fancy glasses. I had 5 bouquets of gorgeous white and green flowers surrounding us, with 50 candles of all different shapes and sizes..all white surrounding us. It was so beautiful and romantic! We ordered take out from the restaurant we went on our first valentines day date, and had bubbly! For desert I had made Ty home made Oreos...but I made it in the shape of a giant heart..like 2 feet big! It was very tasty! We snuggled up close and watched a movie and ate our delicious desert! It was a great Valentines day! We had a lot of fun, until we had to wake up early the nest day for all the getaway couples staying at the inn, and make them breakfast. It was really great though. I also got Ty a new movie..forgot to say that. OOPs!
So on Monday I went to the eye doctor and got new glasses, new contacts and a new prescription. LAME! I am like a triple threat...NERD STYLE! Either way I am hoping to go for the whole sexy librarian and less tech support. YIKES!
So after all the fattening loveliness of the weekend. I am now on lose weight and look hot for 23rd birthday diet. I really hope it works out. I am dedicated and decided I want to be skinny so that I can feel all sassy and cute for the whole getting older thing...BLEH.
Anyway, hope you all had a great weekend!
So on Monday I went to the eye doctor and got new glasses, new contacts and a new prescription. LAME! I am like a triple threat...NERD STYLE! Either way I am hoping to go for the whole sexy librarian and less tech support. YIKES!
So after all the fattening loveliness of the weekend. I am now on lose weight and look hot for 23rd birthday diet. I really hope it works out. I am dedicated and decided I want to be skinny so that I can feel all sassy and cute for the whole getting older thing...BLEH.
Anyway, hope you all had a great weekend!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
First Post!
Ok so I know I have had a blog for a while but now that I am private I feel like this is my first real post ever. Weird? Probably. I am just thinking that I maybe I have never been able to really be myself without feeling like I am walking on eggshells. You never know who will misinterpret what or who is secretly reading your blog without your knowing, who is talking smack and who is just out to make fun of you. It is a very freeing thing, being private. Which you would not think since it is kind of an exclusive thing. But alas my friends I will say that I am really loving it!
So down to business, My life sucks lately. Let me just tell you that if you do not want to know what I am thinking and feeling, this is not the blog for you. Because guess what? This is going to be a completely honest and open blog. So here goes.
I have a group of friends, well I thought they were my friends. Turns out not so much. Am I angry....HELL YES. Am I hurt......F YES. Am I trying to get over it and be the good person I want to be? OF COURSE. But that doesn't mean that I still don't feel every emotion in the book. Seriously if you ask my husband I am either crying, t oed, or speechless. I know I am basically Jane Fonda meets Joan Cusack all the time. Needless to say I want a vent blog. That's exactly what this is....be prepared.
My husband had a group of friends that he loves very dearly. A group of friends that I have never rejected, restricted, or rebuked. I have always let him have his friends be apart of our lives. I have never not let him play with them and I always welcome them into my home and my life. Have they always reciprocated? NO. His friends were so ridiculously mean to me and him when we were first dating. His friends have made some bad decisions in their lives. Have we ever been anything but supportive and understanding? Have we only loved them and given them the benefit of the doubt? Even when we did not agree with the decisions they were making we sat by silently supporting and trying to help the best we could. We have never told them they were mean or wrong and have never said things to purposefully hurt them.
Well you would think that after 4 years, of this there would be a level of reciprocation? Nope. Not where I am concerned. I am the big bad wolf. I am horrible, I am fake and I am the worst wife in the world. I hate it. I thought we were equal, we are not. Tyler is. I am his unfortunate wife. I have had friends of my own decide not to be my friends because I was trying to be friends with everyone. I have suffered criticism from every person I held dear, because I thought someone deserved an 800th chance and that we all would want the same in return. Well it never panned out. But do I regret it? No. I learned A LOT. And although this person may not be my best friend she is still a good person and still deserves to be treated with respect. Because I want the same in return. Because I don't think that we are here to hold grudges, to hurt others, or to ruin friendships. I think that if we all thought about what we are actually here to do, there would never be an issue. So now that I am off my soap box, you are thinking...hypocrite. Take your own advice. I am. Don't worry. Now that's not to say that everyone doesn't deserve the right to work things over, to take the time they need for true forgiveness. We are all human after all. Recently, I have felt a break. I have been hurt worse than I have in a really long time. I feel like I have wasted four years of my life. Trying to get the ever crumbling group glued back together. It has been hard. It has been sacrificing, it has been heart wrenching, and I finally reached the point where I feel like I have nothing left to give. I have no more energy. I have lost my gumption and given up for defeat. That word is never something I thought I would say. I am not one to give up ever. I am one to put my shoulder to the wheel until the wheel breaks. But I am at a loss as to what I should do? I am sad and hurt and I have no more to give.
SO what happens from here? Oh don't worry suddenly everyone is all gung ho about being friends again. Now I should be happy, right? I am....... halfway anyway. Its exactly what I have been wanting for years. So why am I upset? Because they all seemed to have decided after my very bestest friend came to my aide in a time of brokenness. She rescues me and tells everyone the truth and everyone is like Yes! OK! Let's do it! Lets all be best friends! Well what a waste?! I wasted years when all I had to do was tell her to call a few people and write and incredible blog! She saved me! She saved everyone! I am a total idiot for wasting so much hard work and heartache. That's why I feel defeated. I am lost for how to feel and how to react. How could I be so stupid? The truth is... I have no idea. All I know is as of now, there is nothing I can do, but learn from it. Accept it, and forgive. And last but not least...embrace it. Which is what I am working on doing. So there it is. The suckyness of my life and why I am a slightly more disgruntled version of myself lately. So if I give you the wrong impression or you think you might have misunderstood me, or we have an issue that never has been worked out...call me. I am all about that these days.
So down to business, My life sucks lately. Let me just tell you that if you do not want to know what I am thinking and feeling, this is not the blog for you. Because guess what? This is going to be a completely honest and open blog. So here goes.
I have a group of friends, well I thought they were my friends. Turns out not so much. Am I angry....HELL YES. Am I hurt......F YES. Am I trying to get over it and be the good person I want to be? OF COURSE. But that doesn't mean that I still don't feel every emotion in the book. Seriously if you ask my husband I am either crying, t oed, or speechless. I know I am basically Jane Fonda meets Joan Cusack all the time. Needless to say I want a vent blog. That's exactly what this is....be prepared.
My husband had a group of friends that he loves very dearly. A group of friends that I have never rejected, restricted, or rebuked. I have always let him have his friends be apart of our lives. I have never not let him play with them and I always welcome them into my home and my life. Have they always reciprocated? NO. His friends were so ridiculously mean to me and him when we were first dating. His friends have made some bad decisions in their lives. Have we ever been anything but supportive and understanding? Have we only loved them and given them the benefit of the doubt? Even when we did not agree with the decisions they were making we sat by silently supporting and trying to help the best we could. We have never told them they were mean or wrong and have never said things to purposefully hurt them.
Well you would think that after 4 years, of this there would be a level of reciprocation? Nope. Not where I am concerned. I am the big bad wolf. I am horrible, I am fake and I am the worst wife in the world. I hate it. I thought we were equal, we are not. Tyler is. I am his unfortunate wife. I have had friends of my own decide not to be my friends because I was trying to be friends with everyone. I have suffered criticism from every person I held dear, because I thought someone deserved an 800th chance and that we all would want the same in return. Well it never panned out. But do I regret it? No. I learned A LOT. And although this person may not be my best friend she is still a good person and still deserves to be treated with respect. Because I want the same in return. Because I don't think that we are here to hold grudges, to hurt others, or to ruin friendships. I think that if we all thought about what we are actually here to do, there would never be an issue. So now that I am off my soap box, you are thinking...hypocrite. Take your own advice. I am. Don't worry. Now that's not to say that everyone doesn't deserve the right to work things over, to take the time they need for true forgiveness. We are all human after all. Recently, I have felt a break. I have been hurt worse than I have in a really long time. I feel like I have wasted four years of my life. Trying to get the ever crumbling group glued back together. It has been hard. It has been sacrificing, it has been heart wrenching, and I finally reached the point where I feel like I have nothing left to give. I have no more energy. I have lost my gumption and given up for defeat. That word is never something I thought I would say. I am not one to give up ever. I am one to put my shoulder to the wheel until the wheel breaks. But I am at a loss as to what I should do? I am sad and hurt and I have no more to give.
SO what happens from here? Oh don't worry suddenly everyone is all gung ho about being friends again. Now I should be happy, right? I am....... halfway anyway. Its exactly what I have been wanting for years. So why am I upset? Because they all seemed to have decided after my very bestest friend came to my aide in a time of brokenness. She rescues me and tells everyone the truth and everyone is like Yes! OK! Let's do it! Lets all be best friends! Well what a waste?! I wasted years when all I had to do was tell her to call a few people and write and incredible blog! She saved me! She saved everyone! I am a total idiot for wasting so much hard work and heartache. That's why I feel defeated. I am lost for how to feel and how to react. How could I be so stupid? The truth is... I have no idea. All I know is as of now, there is nothing I can do, but learn from it. Accept it, and forgive. And last but not least...embrace it. Which is what I am working on doing. So there it is. The suckyness of my life and why I am a slightly more disgruntled version of myself lately. So if I give you the wrong impression or you think you might have misunderstood me, or we have an issue that never has been worked out...call me. I am all about that these days.
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