Always the Student Never the TEACHER

So I have been learning so many things these past few weeks of my life. Although they have felt like years and crawled through every agonizing minute the lessons I have learned are worth every horrible moment. It is funny what you can learn to overcome. I as most of you know am a person of hot tempers, stubbornness, and completely emotional reactions to everything. I blame my green blood. Irish is not always a word to be seen in a white light. Seriously though, our color as Irishmen should not be green, it should be red! RED HOT! Let me explain shall I? As I am sure you can gather from previous posts, I am a little bit under the weather as far as the friend forecast goes. It has been a trial, and therefore a screaming mad roller coaster ride of emotions! However with the Irish side and its ever so lovely reactions I have learned what to expect and when to expect it.
First, my eyes get big and I usually react with something like "Are you Serious?" or "WHAT?"
Then I get red hot, burning with a passion from the 7th circle of hell like fury. I mean we are talking steam out my ears and unrecognizable speech.
Next, I am raw. Hurt, feeling exposed and wounded. Like someone just cracked open my chest, ran over it repeatedly with a large tread BMX,and then spit acid right in the center of my heart.
Following with a more rational, Logical, and analytical research session. I review all of the data and speak to my ever so trusted colleagues, and confirm diagnosis.
Finally, I am numb. No more emotions to be felt, not mad, sad, angry, hurt, or bitter. OVER. Ready to forgive and forget.
Now you might say, Oh my H word I feel bad for her husband, well you shouldn't, who you really should feel bad for is my best friend! Which is why I am making sure her husband has a life insurance policy on her because I am pretty sure I am draining her life by hours if not days every time I go through this rotation. At least then I will know he will be able to golf the rest of his life away and therefore hopefully be able to forgive me. Eventually. (I LOVE YOU LUKEY!)
Now they say admitting is the first step, so yes I have admitted the steps but that doesn't mean I am going to stop going through them. It just means that now I go through them faster. This is not the point of my blog, the point is I am learning that even though I know myself well and what to expect, That doesn't meant the outcome will always be the same. In a perfect world it would be, all would be forgiven and happy. The problem is there is always another side to the story! Whether the other side agrees with you, or you come to some middle ground is where the real lesson comes in. I have learned that although i wish I was always right, and everyone saw things my way, or apologized when needed, it doesn't happen. But that doesn't mean that I can't learn to be better, or learn to forgive despite what happens and to take the lesson I needed with me. Lets just be honest here and say that this sucks, and it is MANDO hard. However, it is so great to feel free from the anxiety and madness that ensues when things don't pan out the way we all wish they would. I learned that I don't need an apology to forgive, that I don't need vindication, or a posse to back me up, all I need is to go through the motions, and get to the point of forgiveness by horribly abusing my best friends phone minutes, and keeping my husband up late while I blubber incoherently till my eyes swell shut. Because ultimately it is not for me to decide to who or forgive, I am required to forgive everyone.
I learned that I am capable of a lot more than I think I am. I have learned that when my husband tells me the things he thinks are amazing about me, sometimes he is not just blowing smoke up my butt. I learned that if I put my trust in the lord, he can help me get over everything. Even my Irish tendencies!

So here is to all the teachers in my life, My incredibly level headed loving husband, my beautiful, honest, and understanding Best Friend, and my awesome, hilarious support group, Megan and Nikki. I love you all and I am so thankful for everything you do. I look forward to all the future lessons you will teach me!